The NHL was the first of the big four North American sports leagues to popularize the use of the third, or alternate, jersey. Baseball never really had a formal policy governing jerseys (or at least not one that has been well documented) while the NBA and NFL saw third jerseys come into use after the NHL. Given the long(-ish) history of third jerseys in the NHL, it should come as no surprise that 23 teams have some form of alternate outfit. However, while all jerseys are created equally, some are more equal than others.

So here’s a look at the best and worst that the stars of the NHL will don on special occasions.

#1 St. Louis Blues
I’m shocking myself by not putting a retro design alternate jersey as the best overall. I love the dark blue that they use and the circular logo with the Gateway Arch is pure class. I’d hazard Blues fans crying “Blasphemy” by saying that I like this jersey more than the regular home jersey. Of course, both are still better than the red and blue jersey of the mid-Nineties.

#2 New York Islanders
To be brutally honest, I don’t know if this is here because it’s a good looking jersey or the irony of the jersey’s historical origins. This jersey is of the same design as the Islanders teams that won four straight Stanley Cups in the early 80s. Despite the best efforts of owner Charles Wang, the team is moving on up again so what better time to reintroduce a classic jersey.

#3 Buffalo Sabres
Back in the days before the smoking black, silver and red buffalo head and the blue and yellow Sabre slug was the leaping buffalo going over some swords. Given the universal hatred of the slug, we’re all glad that the Sabres brought this back. A couple of the teams below made their 2008-09 third jersey their home jersey this season. We can only hope that someone in Buffalo steals that idea for next season.

#4 Pittsburgh Penguins
Most folks would rank this jersey as the best of the third jerseys currently in circulation. I suppose that’s why what was originally a one-off jersey kept coming back. Sure, there’s the retro element of the powder blue colour scheme that traces back to the 1970s (though not using that logo). While I like the design, I just can’t get behind the powder blues. That’s a colour for baseball umpires, not hockey players.

#5 Philadelphia Flyers
Last season, the orange retro jerseys were the third jerseys but they’ve been switched to the home jerseys. The orange jerseys would have ranked higher than 5th which is where the black jerseys land Philly. Black is an appropriate colour for the rough and tumble Flyers. Hell, the hard hitting, take no prisoners style of all Philly sports makes black a perfect colour for them. I’m not a huge fan of black jerseys, but I’m giving Philly my blessing here.

#6 San Jose Sharks
The Sharks third jersey is a lot cleaner and simpler than their home and away jerseys. There’s no orange tossed in for the sake of being there. This is a very easy on the eyes black, teal, and white. Those are traditional San Jose Shark colours. The only thing that really needs changing is that “SJ” on the shoulders but it’s so out of the way that you can’t really take points off for that.

#7 Edmonton Oilers
Last year, the classic 80s jersey was the third jersey. It was so popular that they made it the permanent home jersey and made the previous home jersey the alternate. The jersey is pretty generic as far as home jerseys were concerned. However, it’s far better than some of the experimental designs that are used for third jerseys. That and I still love that dark blue that they use. It’s better on here than the dark blue they use on that weird oil drop third jersey.

#8 Calgary Flames
The Flames are celebrating their 30th anniversary with this retro jersey. This dates back to their only Stanley Cup Championship in 1989. They used the red jersey with white C as a dark jersey until 2000 and the red-coloured dark jersey with the black C took over in 2003. While I like the attempt at nostalgia, there’s a reason why they got rid of it in the first place.

#9 Chicago Blackhawks
The Blackhawks third jersey is a holdover from their appearance in the 2009 Winter Classic at Wrigley Field. Last year, they used a predominately black jersey. This year, they’ve got the retro jersey. I’m not as big a fan of this jersey compared to the old one. I’m sure most people would go the other way. I just don’t think this jersey looks as good indoors as it did outdoors.

#10 Toronto Maple Leafs
I’m not really sure why I ranked this so high. It’s not a particularly great jersey and has been around as an alternate for about 10+ years. I would have rathered that they made this a blue jersey so we didn’t have to see those bland home jerseys as often. Of course, MLSE doesn’t really care about aesthetics just profits so no wonder why they have a third jersey at all.

#11 Vancouver Canucks
The Canuckleheads quite literally swap one logo for another with this jersey. They drop the C with whale exploding out the top for a rectangle with a white hockey stick that’s supposed to make something that looks like a C. Of course, the Canucks can’t really go retro because all of their old jerseys sort of really suck. Come to think of it, have they ever had a decent jersey?

#12 Los Angeles Kings
While I would have rathered they’d gone with the yellow and purple jerseys that the Kings originally used, I’ll take the Gretzky era black and silver jerseys. The crest does have the old school Kings crown from the Gretzky era but that’s the only real connection. They had a chance to do more with this one but at least it’s not an abomination like some of the jerseys below.

#13 Boston Bruins
To me, this one seems like their current home jersey with less yellow and a different logo. While I can’t figure out where they came up with this design, I can tell you that it’s better than the last third jersey. Anything would be an improvement over the yellow jersey with the bear head. Mind you, it’s not much more intimidating than the old one.

#14 Minnesota Wild
I love that Minnesota brought back the green jersey with their new third jersey. Why Minnesota decided to make that red, Christmas tree knock-off former third jersey their new home jersey is inexplicable. While I like the colour and the traditional design, that logo has to go. The scripted “Minnesota Wild” on the chest belongs on a baseball jersey, not a hockey sweater.

#15 Colorado Avalanche
The third jersey is predominately blue. I’m not sure if that’s a nod to the Nordiques or the Nuggets. I know they do use some blue in their jerseys but that much seems out of place. The black stripe on the sleeve also seems out of no where and clashes with the blue. (I think. I probably should never use “clashes” again.) Getting rid of that weird foot logo on the regular uniforms is an improvement, though.

#16 Nashville Predators
This jersey is very clean and the two checkered stripes are fairly unique but that’s about it. They used the same dark grey-blue that they use in their other jerseys. The use just seems unimaginative. And what does a checkered pattern have to do with Nashville? Yes, there’s a strong history of stock car racing there but they’re so busy trying to kill the history of racing in Nashville, the last place it needs a tribute is on the ice.

#17 Tampa Bay Lightning
I like the colour. It took far too long for the Lightning to make a blue jersey a regular fixture. They had a short-lived blue jersey in the pre-lockout days but that had lightning designs on it that looked awful. While this design is better, I have one small problem with it. BOLTS! The team is called the Lightning, not the Bolts. That’s an unbelievably bush league move.

#18 Ottawa Senators
Though the Senators aren’t much better. A generic looking black jersey with SENS plastered on the front is pretty bush league too. Going with the black earns a lower rank than the Lightning despite the fact that they’re fairly similar jerseys. Not much creativity among those early 90s expansion teams.

#19 Phoenix Coyotes
This is their practice jersey, right? No? It’s their actual third jersey? Well, then it sucks. The leaping Coyote looks like it came from a contest for six-year-olds to design their own Coyotes logo. I thought the howling Coyote head was bad but this is worse. I still beats the original logo which made no sense at all.

#20 Atlanta Thrashers
I’m not sure what the worst part of this jersey is. It could be the maroon that shows up in no other Atlanta jersey. It could be the tossed together design. It could be the bird head logo on the shoulders. But I think the worst part is the Thrashers word logo and numbers across the chest. That’s not a hockey jersey, it’s a basketball jersey. Just because the Hawks are more popular doesn’t mean you have to copy them.

#21 Carolina Hurricanes
Black jerseys were cool 15 years ago. Now, they’re just cliché. And when you add in bad logo decisions like the hurricane warning flag on a hockey stick, the jersey just gets corny. That’s pretty bad considering how unidentifiable their regular logo is. And what’s the deal with the black squares at the bottom? The red and black stylized storm flags work on the home and away jerseys so why not keep that here?

#22 Florida Panthers
Florida makes it down here on general hideousness. I realize that their current home jerseys (originally third jerseys) are mostly dark blue. I don’t see how powder blue works into this, though. I’ve always thought red was Florida’s colour, not blue. That and the circular logo looks like a house cat is the logo instead of a pouncing panther. I see these logos and think it’s Atlanta or St. Louis. Shows how unique they are.

#23 Dallas Stars
There’s not much to say about this jersey. It’s so plain and bland that it just sucks the life out of you. The city and number on the chest makes it look like a basketball jersey. There’s no real design to it, though. It’s Dallas and a number on white. That makes it sound more like a very boring sandwich than a jersey. The sad thing is that I prefer the white alternate jersey to its near identical twin home jersey which is black instead of white.

It’s that time of the week again. It’s all the weird, wacky, and wonderful stories that make up our Not News of the Week.

The economic recession that has swept the globe has put a bit of a financial crunch on everyone. It turns out that the effects were far more widespread than we first imagined. Santa Claus walked into Nashville bank and was carrying more than presents. Santa had a gun which he used to fill his bag full of presents (cash) for himself. The FBI has asked for help in tracking down the suspect who they describe as six-feet tall with white hair and beard and wearing a red “Santa suit.” If I were them, I’d start in the North Pole and work my way south.

Thievery isn’t the exclusive domain of jolly old men. A six-year-old girl in Ohio stole a $3 pack of temporary tattoos from a store while out with her mother. The girl’s older sister turned her over to her mother. The mother then took her daughter to the police station and turned her in. The woman says that she turned in her daughter so she and the police could teach her a lesson. Naturally, that’s why the woman asked the police if she could claim a $30 reward for turning in a shoplifter. Some people have no shame.

A video on YouTube has illustrated the fact that racism runs rampant through Silicon Valley. A white woman and a black man star in a video called “HP Computers are Racist.” The woman’s face is tracked by the computer’s camera but when the man replaces her in frame, the camera doesn’t respond. HP has responded to this video by saying that they were informed of issues with the facial-tracking software when there is “insufficient foreground lighting.” Actually, the software is fine but someone in management or programming clearly isn’t.

A golf course owner has pleaded guilty to stealing from the City of Kansas City. What exactly did he steal? Only more than one million gallons of water. For over five years, golf course employees filled an irrigation pond with water tapped from an illegally installed valve near the golf course. It wasn’t until 2008 that the Kansas City Water Services Department was able to figure out that somebody was routinely stealing massive amounts of water. By the time someone started doing their job, the golf course was on the hook for an estimated bill of $1.6 million. A settlement between the golf course and the city will net Kansas City about $250,000 or less than one-sixth of the original bill. Kansas City tax dollars at work, then.

A dog in Arizona is about to become a world record holder. At 42.625 inches from paw to shoulder, George the Great Dane is set to enter the Guinness Book of World Records as the world’s tallest dog. George is so big that his owners feed him over 100 pounds of food a month and have him sleep in his own queen-size bed. He used to sleep with his owners but at about 87 from nose to tail, he crowded them out of their own bed. George’s campaign to set a world record even has a Web 2.0 component to it. He’s got a Twitter account and a Facebook fan page. Wait, this dog has a Facebook page and we don’t? Anyone else think there’s something wrong there?

Over the last three days most folks have entertained family and shopped non-stop. Maybe you should take today off… While I take advantage of a calm shopping day. Meanwhile, here’s Rachel McAdams to keep you company while you peruse links.

If you’re like me and have an Italian family that gifts only in cash, here are a few ideas of what to spend it on. I like that Chinese thing third from bottom. (Wall Street Journal)

Before this afternoon’s football action, you might want to read Jason Whitlock’s open letter to Brett Favre. (Fox Sports)

A pizza guy looks to be living the dream… Until the prank that’s being played on him takes a turn for the worst. Some people just have a fear of being filmed. Well, he didn’t like that and… (Kerrathon)

After the jump, Tiger Woods links (again), holiday greetings gone wrong, and how not to claim a Boxing Day discount.

Gee, I wish I thought of these great concepts for a Tiger Woods TV show. Oh well, back to the drawing board for ways to make a quick buck. (Bleacher Report)

Tiger Woods was so busy being vilified for doing the horizontal tango with everyone but his wife that everyone forgot that he wasn’t the only one that’s slept around. That list includes athletes, celebrities, and Washington Post columnists. (Washington Post)

For all the trouble that Tiger got in by sexting his hoes, the police weren’t interested in it. However, when you’re a teenager whose texts end up across half the city, then the police might be interested. (Gizmodo)

By now everyone’s heard about Mike Fisher proposing to Carrie Underwood. What you didn’t know, besides the ridiculously high estimated price of the ring, is who gets to use the empty seats in the players’ wives/girlfriends section of ScotiaBank Place. (Deadspin) Only a biz school grad would find that interesting.

Charlie Sheen was arrested after a complaint was filed claiming that Two and a Half Men was treasonous because it was causing the downfall of American society. Actually, it was a domestic violence complaint but the first story is pretty believable. (BBC)

Another decade retrospective: It’s 54 more of the best catchphrases from the past 10 years. (Bro Bible)

It’s a tiny bit late but here’s the best of the worst holiday greetings posted on Twitter. (Lion’s Den U)

Los Angeles Lakers fans had their own unique holiday greeting for NBA referees and their own team on Christmas Day. (The Big Lead) And the barrage of foam hands from the bleachers knocks Dick Bavetta unconscious. This is a sad day for baseball- I mean, basketball.

Speaking of unique greetings, this kid had a unique way to say hello to an ESPN camera that was focused on him. (College Humor)

And speaking of the Lakers, there are embarrassing ways to hurt yourself and then there’s tripping over a Christmas gift and falling down the stairs like Ron Artest. (Sports Illustrated/AP)

You know I’m looking to fill space when I link the Top Gear Producer’s blog. (Top Gear) This season has been hit and miss but today’s show should be great based on the last few years’ specials.

In holiday related things, here’s the 20 best Christmas gifts from the 90s. Should I feel deprived that I only got #1 and #17. (Thunder Treats)

It’s time for a decade in review video. It’s Jimmy Kimmel’s best unnecessary censorship of the decade. (Unless you’re in Canada… But wait! There’s more.)

Since Kimmel pulled a fast one and decided to block Canada from watching the above video, I found another unnecessary censorship video. I say we ban Jimmy from watching any of the Vancouver Olympics. Let’s see him be relevant without watching the world’s biggest sporting event.

The last couple of days, we’ve been mentioned Boxing Day sales. I just want to give you a friendly reminder that the 10 finger discount doesn’t actually exist with that many people around.

It’s a slow week here since everyone is off on holidays. Today is Boxing Day, which means everyone is lined up at the malls looking for a deal. In fact, I’m heading out to grab something, so I’ll keep this one brief. For those that do not plan on heading out to the crowded shopping malls, here’s something for you to read! Kicking this off is Olivia Wilde. I swear these photoshoots are reminding me to go check out shows that I generally miss over the year. Alright, I’m off to grab some House DVDs! Yes I choose to watch Chuck live, so House tends to be on the back burner.

After the jump, brief tidbits on movies, the Home Alone Twitter Project and Glee Flashmob!

I want to see a Tom and Jerry movie! Please make it happen Dan Lin! (Slashfilm)

District 9 was a fun movie. The main highlight of the film were the ridiculously powerful alien weapons that led to awesome cartoony blast-splat moments. For those interested, here is a video documenting the creation of these weapons. (Slashfilm)

I love it when celebrities interview each other. In this case, it’s two great filmmakers. Here’s Peter Jackson interviewing James Cameron. Actually scrap that, the interview progressed into a discussion about filmmaking. It’s a good read. (Newsweek)

Sluggish start for Avatar, but it’s doing okay now. (LA Times)

So after spending almost 3 hours watching Avatar, a big sci-fi movie filled with messages on the environment, greed and war yet all this guy can think of is that James Cameron is racist. Really? (Telegraph) Dude, what are you smoking?

Remember kids, drugs are bad for you. Anyway, the MPAA are at it again. This time they slap an R rating to the flick It’s Complicated because it featured marijuana use. Yes, I’m sure having 60 year olds smoke pot will inspire teens to do the same thing because it’ll be ‘hip’. Yes, doing drugs is bad, but it can’t be worse than lopping people’s limbs off right? (NY Times)

Now that all the films in the Musical/Comedy category at the Golden Globes are going down the crapper (with the exception of Julie & Julia), please let 500 Days of Summer win the Golden Globe for Best Musical/Comedy! (Entertainment Weekly) Oh this reminds me, I need to add 500 Days of Summer DVD to my ‘to buy list’ today.

Speaking of movie awards, the film critics are picking their top movies of the year and it looks like The Hurt Locker might be the front runner. (AICN)

RT’s guide to best films of the decade. (Rotten Tomatoes)

Last week they released a red band clip for the movie Kick-Ass highlighting some fine parenting skills from Nicholas Cage. I have a new found respect for that man for doing this movie. (Rotten Tomatoes). Well, they just released a new red-band trailer focusing on one of the characters Hit Girl. I must say, it’s bloody awesome. Is it April 2010 already? (Empire)

I’m a huge fan of Home Alone. It’s one of those flicks I watch every year during the holidays. Anyway, Christmas might be over, but it’s never too late to check out the Home Alone Twitter Project. Imagine the characters from the flick living in an alternate timeline when they would have access to Twitter. Yes, it would be awesome indeed. (@HATProject) And don’t forget to check the individual character Twitter pages!

I was going to say “I pity the fool that stops Mr. T from appearing in the A-Team remake”, but it turns out he decided not to take up a cameo appearance himself. *sigh. I’m disappointed, but I respect the man’s decision. (Latino Review)

Rock Band is going country!!! Steve is gonna love this because he gets to rock along to Shania Twain! (IGN)

Olivia Wilde will be appearing in the highly anticipated film Tron Legacy, which is due for release next December. I would say it would be the top geek film I’m looking forward to next year along with Iron Man 2. Anyway, here’s a list of other sequels that you may be interested to check out next year. (Film.com)

The folks at io9 decided to take a look at the advances in the virtual world by comparing the Tron lightcycles in 1983 to the one that is featured in 2010’s Tron Legacy. (io9)

Kevin Smith explains why he changed the title of his latest flick to Cop Out. (Collider)

Oh get your first look at A Couple of Dicks Cop Out starring Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan. I was really looking forward to this flick, but this doesn’t look as funny as I hoped it would be. Perhaps the red band trailer will be a lot better… whenever that comes out.

Glee is a moderate ratings success in North America, but the show does have a strong following. In fact it is taking this world by storm! Check out the Glee Flashmob that took place in Italy.

Wouldn’t it be awesome if Santa was a superhero? He would be taking down bad guys and delivering toys to kids. Now that’s badass. Well here is a neat trailer mashup between those superhero flicks and… well… those Tim Allen Santa Claus flicks.

It’s Christmas Day but that doesn’t mean that today’s vintage episode of The Lowdown is an old Christmas special. In fact, it’s our year-old Festivus special. On this episode of the show, the guys celebrate Festivus in the traditional way. It starts with the Festivus feast prepared by Jackie. They follow this up with their airing of grievances. There’s even a recap of Steve and Jackie’s Christmas carolling adventure. Along the way, the guys drop in some really weird music including the Festivus Song and Bob & Doug McKenzie’s 12 Days of Christmas. The show ends with the feats of strength in which Jackie attempts to pin Steve to end Festivus.

Click here to download the 10 MB podcast version.
Click here to download the 26 MB high-quality version.

I figured that the Christmas Day edition of The Humanoids had to have a seasonally appropriate title. It was either that or “Bah! Humbug”! While I’m not exactly in a merry mood, I figured that a humbug-ish title wouldn’t get as many page views. After all, Christmas is the time of year for hope and happiness and all that other stuff that I don’t have most days of the year.

Since you’re here, why don’t you listen to some Christmas music while you’re reading this post. I have just the thing for you. This week’s Lowdown radio show was our annual Christmas special with the weirdest and wackiest Christmas music that we could find. I think we found a new Christmas tradition at Lowdown HQ. Click here for the Christmasy goodness.

Political Correctness
It’s the bane of my existence. We’re not allowed to say “Merry Christmas” anymore because it isn’t inclusive to people that celebrate Ramadan or Hannukah or Diwali or Festivus. The thing I don’t get is that today is Christmas Day. Everyone gets today off whether you’re a Christian, a Muslim, a Jew, or whatever else. It’s a statutory holiday now and not just a religious holiday. Sure, not everyone is Christian so not everyone would celebrate Chritstmas for it’s religious meaning. Hell, not many people Christians celebrate Christmas because of the birth of the baby Jesus. The fact remains that if you see someone around the 25th of December, you should wish them a merry Christmas. So what if they’re offended by it. Tell that person to stop being such a tight-ass and get a life. I’m agnostic (figures I wouldn’t have the balls to declare myself an atheist) and people wish me merry Christmas all the time. Am I pissed off? Hell no. I just wish merry Christmas right back. People are so worried about being politically correct and not offending folks that they’ve really lost all common sense and independent thought.

Family
Sadly, political correctness at Christmas means having to tolerate your family. Christmas isn’t about visiting people you want to see but people that you’re obligated to see. Unless you actually like the folks that you visit or visit you over the “holidays.” (See, there’s that damn PC word again.) Actually, when it comes to complaining about dealing with extended family, I’m drawing a bit of a blank. The thing is that everyone has something that they could complain about when it comes to relatives. They could be annoying, cheap, catastrophically bad hosts or any one of a number of things that you could complain about. The worst part about them is that you don’t like dealing with them and it’s likely that they like putting up with you even less. Lord knows I’ve heard about the behind the back sniping about how I wasted my time and money by going to the best business school in Canada rather than go to the Soo’s Whatsamatta U. But you have to put up with that all because that’s what society tells us to do. Maybe that’s why we don’t like dealing with the relatives. You put up with everyone to make everyone else happy when you could think of millions of things you’d rather be doing with your evening. Another case of being so worried about being politically correct and following societal/social norms that we’re losing independent thought.

Rage Against The Machine
In Britain, the #1 single in the charts that come out before Christmas is called The Christmas #1. Winning the title of Christmas Single is one of the highest honours that a band can earn over there. It’s the musical equivalent of winning the World Series. For the last four years, the winner of the Christmas #1 spot has been the winner of the TV show X-Factor who are always managed by Simon Cowell. Well, someone had the bright idea to say to Cowell “Fuck you! I won’t do what you tell me.” So began a grassroots campaign that saw Rage Against The Machine’s classic Killing in the Name win the Christmas battle. A husband and wife started the campaign on Facebook to topple the multi-million dollar machines that are Simon Cowell and X-Factor. The campaign worked so well that Killing in the Name won by 50,000 sales and was the first ever UK single to take the top spot without selling a hard copy of the single. in an interview on BBC Radio 1, RATM’s Zack de la Rocha called it action to topple “this very sterile pop monopoly.” I would say that sums up what all the Idol and X-Factor stuff has done to music very nicely.

Mac’s
If you’re not from Canada, Mac’s is a national chain of convenience stores spread across Canada. Their big selling point is that they’re open 24/7/365. And it really is 365 days a year. (Well, technically they’re open 365.25 days a year because of leap years but let’s not get too bogged down in technicalities.) They’re even open today for any hapless Canucks who need to do some last minute shopping. Really, why would a convenience store whose closest product to a Christmas gift is a carton of smokes be open on Christmas? They don’t have giftware. They don’t have really food unless you need milk or butter. So if you forgot butter for the mashed potatoes, Mac’s being open is a great thing. If you forgot the turkey or the ham or squash or corn or cranberry sauce or anything substantial, then forget about it. So why is Mac’s open? I’m all for free enterprise and the capitalist state. I wouldn’t have gone to an overpriced business school if I didn’t. I just don’t get why a convenience store would open on Christmas Day. Though this stupidity pales in comparison to the stupidity of my hometown of Sault Ste. Marie. More on that right now.

Boxing Day Sales
In America, they have Black Friday which I’ve mentioned before on The Humanoids. The Canadian equivalent is the Boxing Day sale. Now I’ve heard all about Canadians heading south to support the American economy by taking advantage of the Black Friday sales. I’ve never heard of a Yank flipping the script and supporting our economy by buying things here. Once you factor in all the sales and currency exchange, there really can’t be much of a difference between what you’d pay on Black Friday and what you’d pay on Boxing Day. The only difference is that the Americans have some sense of pride when it comes to supporting their own. Canadians (or at least the Canadians in Sault Ste. Marie) are too concerned about saving a buck to actually care about whose lives they’re affecting. If you’re in the retail sector, then you would understand the importance of buying from Canadian stores because big sales generate a disproportionately large portion of a store’s annual revenue. Leaving the country to buy from another store does no one over here any good. Unless, of course, you’re in my hometown of Sault Ste. Marie. The city council decided it would be a good idea to force all businesses to close on Boxing Day. They didn’t want anyone to be forced to work on a statutory holiday. I guess capitalism doesn’t exist here. Doesn’t surprise me, though. This is a union town. Capitalism is a novel but non-existent concept here.

Something, Something, Something, Dark Side
Normally I wouldn’t review anything TV-ish because that’s Jackie’s domain but I had to make an exception. SSSDS is the second instalment in Family Guy’s Star Wars trilogy. I love all the bits of Family Guy randominity that comes with the episode. But the best part of the whole episode is the dedication to the source material. All the original sound effects and music from the original trilogy are to be found in SSSDS. Actually, that’s about the coolest part for me. Being a radio guy, that’s the stuff I appreciate more  than anything else. Sure, the visuals are almost as good as the original movies and rival the animation quality of Lucasfilm’s own Star Wars: The Clone Wars animation series. I know it’s supposed to be on Fox sometime this spring but why not catch the full episode now. If you’re a Star Wars or Family Guy fan, you’re gonna love it… Sorry about the pseudo-review. I’ll leave that sorta stuff to Jackie from now on.

World Junior Hockey Championships
It’s the hockey tournament that only Canada gives a shit about. It’s time for the IIHF World Under-20 Championships which is also called the World Juniors. Why do I say that only Canada cares about the World Juniors? One: The only major junior hockey system in the world that gets major NHL recognition is the Canadian Hockey League. Two: Switzerland was originally awarded the 2010 tournament but withdrew. The only cities that applied to replace the Swiss were Canadian. Canada already gets the tournament every three years because they know folks here will go see it. They only move it around as a token acknowledgement of hockey’s international appeal. If the IIHF had any sense at all, they’d just make the damn thing a permanent fixture in Canada. The only way it would fall out of favour in Canada is if Team Canada lost every game for years on end. I know it’s supposed to be a world championship but junior hockey is Canada’s game. There’s the occasional hiccup in our national team’s dominance of the Under 20 crowd but they’re so rare now that we know the ship will be righted sooner rather than later. And, once again, it’s “Go Canada go!” If I have to launch a grassroots campaign against that bullshit Pepsi cheer, then I will rain hell upon those corporate fatcats.

Jay-Z
It may be Christmas but Jay-Z just gave the whole world a great Christmas gift on Wednesday. The rap/hip-hop icon/mogul had his name legally changed. He and his wife (Beyonce) both changed their names to celebrate their over year-and-a-half old nuptials. Beyonce took the classic hyphenated route and is now known as Beyonce Knowles-Carter. (Jay-Z’s real name is Shawn Carter.) For a reason that seems to defy all logic, Jay-Z changed his name too. But unlike so many stars that work under pseudonyms, he changed his name to Shawn Knowles-Carter. The reason that they’re giving out to the media and the public is that the Knowles clan has no sons so this would keep the family name alive. The real reason, the one that would destroy Jay-Z’s empire if it were to get out, is that Jay-Z has literally no testicles at all. (See, I’m not being crass by saying he has no balls.) Beyonce is the one wearing the pants in this relationship. No, I’m not a misogynist. See, being a bad ass rapper means that Jay-Z has to play by a different set of rules and is held to different standards than other men. He has to be a man’s man. He can’t look like he’s being pushed around by his wife. There’s nothing wrong with them being on even footing. Lord knows that Beyonce is a bigger mainstream star than Jay-Z. The fact remains that he has lost all of his street cred with this move and there’s nothing he can ever do to fix this. Unless he caps some fools or whatever it is that the white kids that want to be black say.

New Year’s Resolutions
I think I may have mentioned it before but I don’t like the idea of a New Year’s resolution. I’m not really sold on the whole idea of New Year’s parties to begin with. Do we really need an excuse to drink ourselves into the ground other than the day off the next day? Maybe it’s the four year’s at a party school talking but the weekend was a good enough reason to go drinking for most folks. The only difference between December 30th at 11:59:59 PM and December 31st at 11:59:59 PM is that you need a new calendar when the clock chimes midnight on January 1st. (There’s me being technical again. Hopefully you can track my nerdiness in that last sentence.) That’s why I don’t understand why people set New Year’s resolutions. What makes January 1st so different that you decide to dedicate yourselves to some endeavour that you will inevitably fail at. How many people say that they’ll lose weight, workout and get in shape only to give up or forget about it or otherwise fail? I remember a study coming out that said that people that fail at their New Year’s resolutions will be more depressed than when they started. In another study, people that slam their fingers in doors say that their fingers hurt when their fingers get caught in doors. So save yourself the trouble of being depressed and don’t set resolutions. No good will come of them. Unless you cheat and pull a Ron Popeil: Set it and forget it.

The greatest driver in Formula One history is ending his three-year retirement and returning to the company that gave him his start in high-level motorsports. Michael Schumacher has signed a contract with Mercedes Grand Prix for three years at about £20 million.

The fact that Schumacher is coming back isn’t a great surprise. Many observers felt that his retirement was forced by Ferrari who had signed Kimi Raikkonen for a contract starting in 2007 before the start of the 2006 season. He kept busy for a while by participating in motorcycle races and other special events. Last season, a persisting neck injury was all that kept him from substituting for the injured Felipe Massa for the final third of the season.

Schumacher holds almost every major Formula One record including most wins, most pole positions, most points scored and most World Drivers’ Championships. He won each of his seven titles while under the guidance of Ross Brawn who is the head of the Mercedes GP effort.

While he is most closely associated with Ferrari, Michael’s first major backer was Mercedes-Benz. In 1990 and ‘91, he was a Mercedes factory driver in the World Sportscar Championship. In its heyday, the WSC rivalled F1 in terms of prestige but when some manufacturers left to race in F1, the series quickly collapsed. Mercedes had been rumoured to have been courting Schumacher to drive for them since the mid-90s.

It was Ross Brawn who initiated contact with Michael this time, not a Mercedes representative. In November, while the team was still known as Brawn GP, Brawn mentioned to Michael that there may be a seat available at the team in 2010. When Jenson Button left for McLaren, the seat was Schumacher’s for the taking.

It will be interesting to see how Michael adapts to the changes in Formula One since he last raced in 2006. The cars now have slick tires, less downforce and will carry a full race distance worth of fuel on board at the start of each race. There will also be three tracks that will be new to him but not the rest of the field (Valencia, Singapore, and Abu Dhabi). It’s likely to be a steep learning curve for the seven-time World Champion as he makes his return to the pinnacle of motorsports.

A Festivus/early Christmas gift for all of you: Marisa Miller. And no, we don’t mention anything Festivus related in here.

From the man that brought you the UFC, it’s ultimate arm wrestling boxing fighting macho testosterone thing. (Deadspin)

Even though pro wrestling may be a male soap opera, it does help you become a better trash talker. Just ask Jets linebacker Bart Scott. (New York Times)

We’ve still got a few days until Christmas. If you’re looking for some movies to watch over the next couple of days, here’s some suggestions from our pals at Lion’s Den University. (Lion’s Den U)

After the jump, college football bowl time, deep fried everything, and Harry Caray’s Christmas revenge.

It’s college football bowl season! Everybody gets stuff from the bowl games. The networks get advertising. The conferences and schools get money. The bowl sponsors get exposure to millions of people. And the student-athletes get lots of free stuff. (Sports Business Journal)

Of course, we can’t talk college football without mentioning a playoff. Some obscenely dedicated man at Kotaku simulated a 16-team playoff and every other bowl game while he was at it. (Kotaku)

My old CHRW buddy Ethan is one of the smartest guys I know. For example, he just gave out the smartest bit of relationship advice ever. (Musings on Greenwood)

Most baseball players would be ecstatic to get out of the baseball purgatory that is the Toronto Blue Jays. Roy Halladay isn’t most ball players. He took out a full-page ad in a Toronto paper to wish the city of Toronto well. (Toronto Sun)

Breaking (Not) News: TMZ is expanding into sports coverage. Is this even going to work? (Dan Shanoff)

Normally, I would save a story like this for the Not News but it’s too good to pass up. A 4-year-old kid got drunk and went on a crime spree. (ABC Chattanooga)

Another retrospective of the Noughties: It’s the Top 50 funniest celebrity quotes from the past 10 years. (Buzz Feed)

Today’s first photo gallery is a look at all the wonderful things that you can deep fry. And here I was thinking that deep frying everything was a British thing. (Top Cultured)

If fried foods aren’t your thing, our second photo gallery might be more your speed. It’s a ranking of the Top 40 WAGS of 2009. (Bleacher Report)

To help you get in that Christmas spirit (It’s only two days away… I still have shopping to do.), here’s Harry Caray.

Now for something completely different. It’s another dose of fast race cars in super slow motion.

With Christmas just a couple of days away, it was time for the annual Lowdown Christmas Special. Last year’s Festivus show had some weird Christmas music, so the guys decided that they could do a full episode of weird and wacky Christmas music. There are a lot of bands that you’ve heard of that have made bad Christmas music and the gang has found some pretty embarrassing entries into their musical repertoires. There are seven weird songs on tonight’s episode.

Click here to download the 10 MB podcast version.
Click here to download the 26 MB high-quality version.

On the Extra, there’s added banter and two bonus songs that weren’t on the radio version of this episode. As usual, the episode comes to you uncut and uncensored.

Click here to download Lowdown Extra.

Tonight’s Playlist:
Chris de Burgh – A Spaceman Came Travelling
Willie Nelson – Little Dealer Boy (f. Stephen Colbert)
The Irish Rovers – Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer
The Beach Boys – Santa’s Beard
Spike Jones – All I Want For Christmas is My Two Front Teeth
Simple Plan – My Christmas List
Meco, Anthony Daniels, Ben Burtt – Christmas in the Stars
Bobnoxious – Ho Ho Ho
Twisted Sister – The Christmas Song
(Italicized songs are Lowdown Extra exclusives.)

Legal Disclaimer: Canadian copyright law allows for the broadcast of copyrighted material if it is being criticized. Because we are referring to every song as a piece of weird Christmas song, we believe we are in compliance with the applicable Canadian law. Any complaints can be sent to 94.9FM CHRW and the UWO USC.

For the 25th time in the blog’s history, it’s time for all the news not fit for print. It’s time for the Not News of the Week.

A new study released in Germany finds that men will live longer if they stare at women’s breasts. The researchers say that staring at breasts leads to sexual excitement which gets the heart pumping and improves blood circulation. A study of 500 men showed that men who stared at women’s breasts had lower blood pressure, slower resting heart rates, and fewer episodes of coronary artery disease. The study said that men should stare at larger breasts for at least 10 minutes a day. This study is bound to make small talk difficult for men who follow this study. That’s especially true when guys use the pickup line “I have to stare at your chest because it helps me to live longer.”

Industry Canada would like to remind you that it appreciates that you have dreams but there are forms to be filled out before you try to do something you want to do with your life. A 14-year-old boy had setup his own all-music FM radio station in Ottawa using equipment that he bought over the internet. The transmitter he bought and setup on the roof of his house let listeners tune into 91.9FM and listen up to 20 km away. But for some reason, people (I’m assuming easy listening radio stations) filed complaints about the boy’s station. Industry Canada stepped in and told the boy to stop broadcasting without a license or he’d be fined $5,000 a day. Another sign that big business and government doesn’t give a shit about real people.

Speaking of big groups messing with kids, a conservative group called the American Family Association has forced a second grade class in Indiana to change its Christmas play because it mentions Allah. The play was supposed to be an inclusionary play about different religions December traditions including Christmas, Hanukkah, Ramadan, Las Posadas and Kwanzaa. The AFA decided that it didn’t like that one line in the play was “Allah is God.” The woman who launched the complaint isn’t connected with the school but felt “it’s wrong to praise another religion’s God.” Technically, the God of Christianity, Judaism, and Islam is one and the same. If this story doesn’t show how backwards the Christian fundamentalist religious right is, nothing will.

We’ve all heard the saying that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Well, you can teach monkeys new tricks but just be careful. A man in China taught some monkeys a few basic taekwondo moves to they could entertain people at a shopping centre. The only problem was that they were better on the stage than in practice and proceeded to lay a beat down on their trainer. One onlooker described the action as better than a Bruce Lee movie. The monkeys kept their trainer at bay with a series of acrobatic moves, including attacking him with a stick, until they got tangled in a rope designating the performance area.

Normally we don’t talk about sports in the Not News but this was to weird a story to pass up. The Philadelphia Flyers came into this NHL season with an outside chance of winning the Stanley Cup. Heading into Christmas, they’re hardly in contention for a playoff spot. What’s been behind this monumental under achievement? Well, rumour has it that the locker room has been split by an affair. The rumour is that Jeff Carter has been sleeping with the wife of teammate Scott Hartnell. Now the Flyers are trying to trade Carter in order to remedy the situation. If the whole Tiger Woods thing didn’t go down, the NHL could have gotten some publicity from this.

In exactly 48 hours until the final episode of The Lowdown of 2009. It’s our annual Christmas special episode. This year it’s our choices for the weirdest and wackiest of Christmas music. Unlike the episode of The Lowdown Extra that we posted last week, this episode is packed with Canadian content for a time of year that seems like a typical Canadian postcard. So tune in with the family and sing along… Or at least have a laugh at some of the ridiculous songs that we dug up.

The show goes live at around 6:30 PM Eastern. If you’re in the London, ON, listening area, you can listen live on 94.9 FM. You can also listen online at CHRWradio.com/listen.

The SLO was off last week for a Tiger Woods themed affair. To make up for that, here’s our favourite gal Blake Lively.

Our web address isn’t eye-poppingly pretty but it isn’t anywhere near as bad as some of the trainwrecks out there on the net. (Independent Sources)

I don’t think we’re on Facebook but neither were the characters from Star Wars. But what would it have been like if they had been on Facebook. (College Humor)

Let’s close the opening tech theme by mentioning that there are more tweets than people now. To use a description that Jim Chapman taught me, that’s a non-story. (Mashable)

After the jump, some decade retrospective lists, bloopers and a new way to handle bullies.

Who doesn’t love decade lists? We were thinking of doing some ourselves but they won’t top the Top 50 catchphrases of the 2000s. (Bro Bible)

And we won’t be able to top the Top 10 villains of 2000s. (Rumors and Rants)

Tired of dealing with the schoolyard bully? Hit him with the flying headscissors. (Lion’s Den U)

Disturbing mental imagery of the day: Brett Favre has a tattoo… On his ass. (Star Tribune)

Kobe Bryant is one of the nominees for our Lowdown Athlete of the Year award. As if you needed an explanation, here are 10 of Kobe’s best buzzer beaters. (Hail Mary Jane)

Have you done your Christmas shopping yet? Well, if you were looking for some holiday-themed NFL swag, here’s a look in quiz form. (Simon on Sports)

If that doesn’t help your shopping, the MLB has some new garb for you for winter. (Big League Stew)

Today’s photo gallery is a continuation of the 2000s theme. This one is the Top 40 hottest athletes of the 2000s complete with gratuitous eye candy. (Bleacher Report)

In Kazakhstan, for their own make benefit, they turn Mercedes E-Classes into Rolls Royces.

The whole holiday season can get some folks down in the dumps, myself included. Nothing makes me feel better than laughing at folks doing stupid things.

I was going to kick off the Entertainment Link-Off with Zoe Saldana in celebration of the release of Avatar. However, Jessica Stroup’s photoshoot with Complex snagged my attention sometime midweek and I changed my mind. After seeing this, I sort of regret not tuning into 90210 this season. Well since there isn’t anything on during the winter break… might as well catch up I suppose.

After the jump Snoop Dogg cooks brownies with Martha Stewart, some Avatar stuff, a really lengthy review of The Phantom Menace, Jack Bauer interrogates Santa and Tron Tennis!

Here’s something that will definitely light up the televizzle! Snoop Dogg drops by Martha Stewart’s show to help her with some holiday baking. Too bad the brownies weren’t green enough for his liking. (Zap2it)

James Cameron gives out his thoughts about McG’s Terminator Salvation. Yeah I think Cameron shouldn’t have sold the rights to Terminator for $1 back in the day. (Slashfilm)

Over at RT, they take a look at James Cameron’s filmmaking career. Aside from Piranha 2, everything looks damn good! (Rotten Tomatoes)

Most people are simply amazed at the CGI work of Avatar. Well would it surprise you if I told you that Industrial Light and Magic made some contributions to the film?  (CNET)

They’re seeing blue at the box office. Avatar will easily top this weekend’s box office but it will miss the record opening weekend by a mile. I suppose the lengthy run time did hurt its chances. (Nikki Finke) On the bright side, Steven Spielberg really digs the movie!

Chances are you saw Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace and didn’t like the film. Most of you have written about how it sucked or at least had a friendly conversation with fellow filmgoers about how it could have been better. Well a man from Milwaukee outdid us all. He made a 70 minute video review of the film. If Lost producer Damon Lindelof recommends it, you know it’ll be mindblowing. (Slashfilm)

Shaun of the Dead reunion photoshoot. It’s pure awesomeness. (Total Film)

In other Simon Pegg related news, it appears he has just lost the title of being the best Charlie Brown look-a-like. (Entertainment Weekly)

Morpheus is going to take on some Predators! (Collider)

Morgan Freeman has had a fair share of amazing roles in films. He has played a prison inmate, a high school principal, Nelson Mandela and much more. In fact the man has even tackled God! Take a look at Morgan Freeman’s Chain of Command. (Maxim)

Samuel L. Jackson pwns all at the box office!!! Or not… (Entertainment Weekly)

6 annoying things that Hollywood needs to stop doing. (Mania)

Metacritic has compiled a list of the best movies of the decade. (Metacritic)

The possible new title for Kevin Smith’s A Couple of Dicks is a nice potshot at Warner Brothers. (The Film Stage) Too bad those who didn’t follow the naming issue saga won’t get the joke.

Kick-Ass already has a name for a sequel. Let’s hope the movie studio won’t be a total ‘cop out’ and change the title of the film adaptation. (Comic Book Resources)

There is a new Tron Legacy banner that has just hit the net and it looks amazing! (Collider) For a higher resolution of the picture, click here.

It’s battle of the 90210 babes at the photoshoots this week. Who would you go for? Annalynne McCord’s spread at Cosmopolitan or Jessica Stroup at Complex? (The Hollywood Gossip) Judging from the focus of this ELO, I think you know who I would vote for.

In other 90210 news, TV Guide speaks to Jessica about what will happen when the show returns from the break. (TV Guide)

After Seth MacFarlane is done poking fun at the Star Wars series, he’ll move onto other things like Back to the Future or Star Trek. Of course, if he wants to avoid all the legal hurdles, he could move onto another project associated with George Lucas like… Indiana Jones! That would be awesome. (LA Times)

House was supposed to return on January 23rd, but FOX decided to stick it to NBC by moving it up two weeks to face off against Chuck. They’re trying to get our favourite Nerd Herder canned! To those that watch both House and Chuck: let’s all tune into Chuck for that week and tell FOX to fuck off. (Broadcasting and Cable) Later in the week it was also revealed that FOX is moving Fringe to face off against Heroes that night too. Clearly they’re messing with NBC, but since I don’t care about Heroes, they can do whatever they want during the 9 pm timeslot.

College Humor presents a mash-up between Dangerous Minds and the Harry Potter series. The result? Dangerous Wands. (College Humor) With the tagline “It’s the Mudbloods vs. the Mud… Crips.” You know it’s gonna be good.

This has been a good week for movie trailers. Things are really looking up for 2010.
Iron Man (Apple)
Clash of the Titans (Apple)
Hot Tub Time Machine (Yahoo)

Santa likes to travel across the world to deliver presents to the little wee kids out there. However it looks like you won’t be getting any gifts under the tree this year since he just got arrested by Jack Bauer. Apparently he thinks Santa is a terrorist.

Sony Ericsson has put together a glow-in-the-dark Tennis event which was inspired by Disney’s Tron. Everything glows from the wardrobe to the court and its futuristic scoreboards. Even the balls leave streaks of light! Tron Tennis? Yes please!

Twas the week before Christmas and all through HQ
Not a creature was stirring, except maybe you.
Actually, Christmas and poetry have nothing at all to do with today’s Humanoids. Well, I guess you could say that Christmas came a week early for this lot because I get to lambaste them. Actually, I think that I might be the one that’s getting the early Christmas gift because I’m the one doing the lambasting. There’s nothing I love more than dishing out generally sarcastic remarks.

Have you caught the latest Lowdown Extra? We were going to play it on the 22nd but some bunch of self-important bunch of bastards that call themselves the CRTC don’t like it. We had to do a brand new Christmas special with extra Canadian Christmas music for the 22nd. For now, you can enjoy the original version of our 2009 Christmas special in all of its classic Lowdown ridiculousness.

Roy Halladay
The Doctor is out. All I can say is that it’s about time. Don’t get me wrong. I think that Doc is one of the greatest, if not the greatest pitcher in Blue Jays history. Hell, he’s been the best pitcher in baseball for the last five or six years. Whether it was for money or a chance to win a World Series championship, everyone knew that Doc wasn’t going to be back in 2011. Doc said he wasn’t going anywhere once spring training started. After his season started to unravel after being run through the trade deadline pressure cooker, I can’t blame him for not wanting to go through that again. That basically meant that new Jays GM Alex the Greek (not Great… yet) would have to move Doc now to get a return. When you logic the move through that way, it make perfect sense. What doesn’t make sense is how the Jays end up with some prospects that have no guarantee of panning out. No prospect is guaranteed to pan out but without JA Happ, I think that the Jays didn’t get a great return. Who knows, maybe this will work out for the Jays. For right now, I’m buying I’m booking my World Series hotel room for games 3, 4, and 5 in Philly.

Kevin Martin
Never heard of Kevin Martin? Then you mustn’t have watched the countless hours that TSN dedicated to the Canadian Olympic curling trials. Martin isn’t an undeserving champion of Canadian curling. He’s won four Briers and one World Championship. The only problem is that K-Mart has a reputation for choking when the pressure is on. Take the 2002 Olympic finals, for example. He give up 1 in the 9th end (of 10) for a tie game. He has final rock for the last end. Any competent curler, myself included, knows that they’re in a good spot and the pressure is on the other team to try something radical and drastic to steal a point because there’s no chance that they can for a blank. Somehow, Martin pull off the impossible and loses the game by letting his opponent steal in the final end. That’s what we come to expect from K-Mart is snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. The good news is that he’ll have John Morris with him throwing third stones. Morris is my sort of curler because he wears his emotions on his sleeve. He has a reputation for breaking brooms, swearing and trash talking. Reminds me of me when I curled in high school. Don’t get me started on the gong show that operation was.

Charles Tator
If you don’t know who Dr. Tator is, then you are smarter than the hockey violence obsessed folks in the country. He’s the neurosurgeon who is on an anti-Don Cherry crusade. He says that Grapes promotes violence in hockey and is a “negative influence” in the fight against concussions. How dare this brilliant man challenge the well-meaningness of the 7th greatest Canadian? I call Doc Tator brilliant because he attacked the right person to get his name out there. He rode the right coattails to notoriety despite the fact this is a total non-story… Actually, when I put it that way, I don’t know why I’m talking about him. I will say this: Don Cherry doesn’t promote violent hockey. He promotes smart hockey. Every week, he tells kids to keep their head up, tape up their skates to keep themselves protected, and campaigns to get rid of the instigator rule so talentless bums would have to pay the piper if they cheap shot someone. I don’t see how that’s violent hockey. Again, riding the coattails of someone more famous. What a tool.

Elin Nordegren
Shock of shocks, a sports/pop culture blog is talking about the Tiger Woods affair again. Actually, it’s closer to a dozen-and-a-half affairs but who’s counting? Actually, I want to talk about the genius that is his wife Elin. Sure, she married a sex addict with the libido of a… Well, a sex addict. Elin’s decided to make the smartest move at her disposal (apart from breaking out the driver) and divorce Tiger. Well, you may think, how’s that going to work since she has a pre-nup. Well, Elin has the same divorce lawyer that took Tom Cruise to the cleaners for Nicole Kidman. If anyone can help Mrs. Tiger get her revenge… Anyway, you’ve got to love the rumour that Puma was considering hiring Elin as an endorser for their shoes. Would they be cross-trainers or runners? Then again, she was also linked to a Nike endorsement for a new set of women’s clubs that was designed to give more speed on the downstroke and extra impact on contact.

KISS
Tuesday in my hometown of Sault Ste. Marie, the cry went out across town: You wanted the best, you got the best! The hottest band in the world… NOBODY! The KISS story is one we mentioned on the blog before when a city councillor petitioned for KISS to be banned from playing in the Soo because she was offended that Gene Simmons spit blood during a show years and years ago. Well, the delusional councillor got her wish as KISS cancelled their show just two days before the concert. Well, not so much cancelled as pushed back to the summer. They claimed inclement weather made driving unsafe for the equipment trucks. I say bullshit. The weather here was beautiful on Monday. The roads were a hell of a lot better than last week. Granted, the weather forecasts called for up to 5 inches of snow on Tuesday but the trucks would come in overnight Sunday and be in town long before Tuesday. This was the last stop on their Alive 35 tour so it’s not like they had anywhere to go. I think the real story is closer to Gene Simmons finding out that it would be cold and snowy in the Soo so he decided he was heading home. Now folks in the Soo will have to wait until the summer for the concert. I’d like to know when they’re planning on running this because KISS is touring Europe during the summer. They do know that Sault Ste. Marie isn’t in France, right?

Nickelback
Let’s move from one band that’s past its prime to another. Nickelback was just named the band of the decade by Billboard. Given my continuous lambasting of Billboard on every episode of the show, you had to know that this was a horrible call. Everything on the Worst of Music is a Billboard Top 10 song so I’d have to figure that any Billboard pronouncement of greatness has to be taken with more than a grain of salt. Fortunately, there are a few caveats to this announcement. (That was the fancy word of the day.) First, the band of the decade was determined by sales during the decade. Second, they were 7th on a list of all music artists’ sales over the 2000s. If they called Nickelback the best band of the first half of the decade… Actually, I’d still have a problem with it. They’ve had two good songs this decade: How You Remind Me (which has worn so much on me that I’ve deleted it from my seldom used iPod) and Burn It To The Ground (which I’ve only been hearing for a few weeks so I don’t hate it yet). In reality, Eminem was the best (selling) musician of the decade. Any day of the week, I’d rather listen to any rap than Nickelback.

Perils of Drinking
There’s lots of perils of drinking that I can think of. There’s the public intoxication ticket. DUI… There’s the hitting on the bouncer’s girlfriend which earns you a one-way ticket to a beating in the alley. Oh, and there’s the opening your big goddamn mouth to get people off your back and volunteering a bit too much info. Remember folks, when co-workers are trying to get you to change the direction of your life, don’t volunteer info that would prove that you’re ahead of them. Just smile and nod and agree with the slightly inebriated folks. Someone will remember something and they’ll start reading your blog that gave you complete creative freedom. Not that I’ve spoken about anything work related on here but it was nice having this nice separation of church and state… Or work and personal life, as the case is here. See, I’m so concerned about folks reading this that I’m writing as if I was writing for print. One of the few skills I possess is being able to write like I talk. Actually, given the way I constantly butcher the English language in a way that makes Don Cherry look like Bill Shakespeare, maybe it’s not such a good thing. Where was I? Umm… So, remember kids that binge drinking is good for your heart but bad for your liver. But you can always get a new one of those… If you’re Mickey Mantle. Another story for another time. Actually, Wikipedia it.

Tonight’s special episode of The Lowdown Extra was originally going to be the Lowdown Christmas Special. It was rejected because there wasn’t enough Canadian content but that doesn’t mean that we can’t run it online. This special online exclusive features our choices for the weirdest Christmas music out there. It’s 32 minutes and eight songs of head-scratching Christmas music and Lowdown insanity. As usual, all the action comes to you uncut and uncensored.

Click here to download Lowdown Extra.

Tonight’s Playlist:
Chris de Burgh – A Spaceman Came Travelling
Willie Nelson – Little Dealer Boy (f. Stephen Colbert)
Elmo & Patsy – Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer
The Beach Boys – Santa’s Beard
Spike Jones – All I Want For Christmas is My Two Front Teeth
Meco, Anthony Daniels, Ben Burtt – Christmas in the Stars
Bobnoxious – Ho Ho Ho
Twisted Sister – The Christmas Song

Legal Disclaimer: Canadian copyright law allows for the broadcast of copyrighted material if it is being criticized. Because we are referring to every song as a piece of weird Christmas song, we believe we are in compliance with the applicable Canadian law. Any complaints can be sent to 94.9FM CHRW and the UWO USC.

Let’s kick off with every nerd’s favourite: Olivia Munn.

Let’s kick off with some Tiger Woods links. Now that his personal life is in ruins, Tiger’s made a few changes to his daily routine. (Washington Post)

It looks like things just got worse for Tiger. He’s been linked to a Canadian doctor who may be supplying athletes with performance enhancing drugs. (New York Times)

Sponsors are once again reconsidering their deals with Tiger but not because of the possibility Tiger used PEDs. It’s more about the doctor. (Sports Pickle)

After the jump, the NHL tries to learn from Tiger, Christmas links, and a video.

In an attempt to get hockey on the map (and still deluded into thinking Sidney Crosby is marketable), Gary Bettman’s trying to ride Tiger’s coattails to notoriety. (Sports Pickle)

There is a simpler way to tell if a hockey player has countless mistresses. Down Goes Brown has figured out the tell-tale signs. (Down Goes Brown)

Gary Bettman was also able to make the list of the 50 most influential people in sports. (Sports Business Journal) How Gary was listed ahead of the bosses of NASCAR and the PGA we’ll never know.

Since the Heisman Trophy was awarded last weekend, it bears asking how the hell did Mike Faulds not with Canada’s Hec Crighton award? (CIS Blog)

On the opposite end of the spectrum from great players is this list of the Top 10 sports bloopers of the decade. (Randall Simon’s Sausages)

There are just some articles that come out far too late to help you. For example, this post with five reasons to delay your entry into the working world can’t help me now. (Lion’s Den U)

Christmas is next week in case you haven’t started your shopping… Like me. If you happen to be out of the country, here’s some international Christmas primers to keep you out of trouble. (Daily Telegraph)

I’ve already done the office Christmas party (and am trying to buy back the embarrassing photos from it) but it looks like its going the way of the dodo. (BBC)

As someone who wants to be a radio lifer, I can sympathise with this plight. I mean with the kid who’s getting hosed by corporate fat cats and government tools, not the radio stations who can’t out program a 14-year-old. (CBC)

Today’s photo gallery is a collection of 25 great sports moments in Simpsons history. (Total Pro Sports)

It’s not as good as that house that started the whole sync your Christmas lights to music some four years ago but it’s reasonably impressive just the same.

At first, I thought it was a good thing that the human jinx that is Marian Hossa was leaving Detroit. After that goal, I’m not so sure anymore.

Of the five new teams expected to enter Formula One next season, three have named drivers while all are progressing in their efforts to make the grid. Today, Virgin F1 (originally Manor House) was the second of the new teams to announce a complete driver lineup. At the sharp end of the grid, Mercedes GP appear to have a familiar face coming in as their lead driver.

Virgin had previously announced that ex-Toyota driver Timo Glock would be one of their drivers in 2010. Today, they announced that GP2 standout Lucas Di Grassi will join the team as its second driver. Di Grassi has spent the last four years in GP2, finishing in the top three for the last three seasons. He may not quite be championship material but that’s not what a brand new team needs. In Di Grassi, Virgin has found a competent and consistent driver that has experience testing F1 cars for Honda and Renault as well as development work on the latest generation of GP2 race cars. It’s this testing and development experience that makes Di Grassi a good fit for Virgin.

It should also be noted that while the team had been listed on the latest FIA entry list, Virgin only officially confirmed their take over of Manor GP today. They had entered Formula One last season as a sponsor of Brawn GP. Brawn’s early season success made sponsorship space on the car a hot commodity and Virgin wasn’t willing to pay a premium price to be posted on a team without a proven track record.

Yesterday, Lotus F1 (or the Malaysian group that bought the rights to the Lotus F1 name) announced both their drivers for the 2010 season. They went for a lineup that should be the second most experienced on the grid when the F1 circuit kicks off in Bahrain in March. Jarno Trulli and Heikki Kovalainen will be racing for Lotus starting in 2010. The experienced lineup will help Lotus with testing and development of their car. However, despite 18 seasons and 270 races between them, they combine for two grand prix wins. Race craft will be the major challenge for Lotus next year. They can have the best car on the grid but no one that can run it.

The three other new teams (Campos, US F1, and Sauber) have only one driver announced between them. Campos will have Bruno Senna in one seat. Both Campos and US F1 are said to be down to shortlists of five drivers or less that they are pursuing. Sauber is the only team that has yet to be connected to any drivers. However, they are likely the furthest along in car development. Even after BMW pulled the plug on its F1 efforts, the team was developing a 2010 so they would be ready to go if they were purchased. The team ended up being sold back to Peter Sauber and are a lock to be regular points contenders if they can hire some decent drivers.

Meanwhile, at the fast end of the grid, Mercedes GP (the former Brawn GP) appears to have gotten their man after some 15 years of waiting. A report out of Britain says that seven-time world champion Michael Schumacher will come out of retirement to drive for Mercedes. The winningest driver in F1 history has long been coveted by Mercedes-Benz bosses. In addition to being a German legend, he started his career in the Mercedes driver development system. It’s almost a full circle thing that Mercedes would be able to pull off if he has in fact signed.

If it’s not worth talking about, then it must be time for the Not News of the Week.

A woman in PEI was pulled over by the RCMP where they smelled marijuana in the car. She admitted to having it in the car so she was taken in. On the way to the police station, the officer still smelled marijuana (and he had yet to “examine” the evidence). She searched the woman and found another bag of marijuana in the woman’s bra. I know some women pad their bras but that has to be the first padding where everyone wins.

It’s the best man’s job to drudge up some hilarious and embarrassing story for his toast at the wedding reception, I don’t think that sort of stuff extends to Twitter. A best man pulled a prank on his best friend by hooking his newlywed friend’s bed up to Twitter. Every time the newlyweds have sex, @newlywedsontjob tweets when the couple starts and stops having sex and gives a rating on how good it was. It would be get-bustingly hilarious if it wasn’t just a bit creepy. Though for the internet, you have to admit it’s pretty tame.

Researchers at Stanford and U of T have found that being paid by the hour has a greater impact on your well-being than earning a salary. They say that the closer relationship between time and money focuses your mind on your pay and makes you happier if you’re paid reasonably well. Getting a salary that’s equivalent to your hourly wage has little to no effect on happiness. However, that’s not to say that being paid hourly will make you happy. There’s just a strong correlation between your hourly wage and your happiness. It’s a good thing I’m salaried…

Passengers at a London Underground station were treated to some great public address announcements last week. The announcer at Farringdon Station gave a running commentary on the state of the city’s tube train (subway) system. He was keen to provide as much information as possible about everything to the passengers because his supervisor said he wasn’t communicating in a satisfactory manner. I’m not sure his supervisor would have approved of some of the things the announcer said. He apologized for delays and faults in the system. He was also quoted as saying great lines such as  ”Is this what having a nervous breakdown feels like” and “You’ve got two options – apart from shooting yourself, and who could blame you.” I guess he get paid by the hour.

Many Star Wars fans will admit that Return of the Jedi was not the strongest entry in the Star Wars saga (though it was better than the prequels). But what would they think if it was directed by legendary experimental filmmaker and four-time Oscar nominee David Lynch. In a recent interview, Lynch said that George Lucas approached him about directing the last of the original Star Wars movies and flew him out to a secret location where Lynch got a headache. Lynch said that the headache got worse when Lucas introduced him to the Wookies. Of course, Lynch declined the offer after practically begging his agent to turn down Lucas.

Over the last two weeks, the Tiger Woods saga has capitvated the entire world. It’s a story that started in the sports world with a little article in The National Enquirer and exploded when he crashed into a tree. So to celebrate all the great moments that came out of the crash, here’s a collection of the web’s greatest Tiger Woods stories from the last couple of weeks.

To kick things off, here’s Elin Nordegren.

Before we get into the links, it might help to know all the players. But with almost a dozen mistresses, you’d need a scorecard to keep track of everyone. Fortunately, I found one. (NY Daily News)

The only problem with that program of the players is that it doesn’t include the companionship that Tiger may have paid for. (New York Post)

Naturally, the mistresses are quite upset and quite sorry about the whole thing. (The Sun) Would they really go back and change things if they could? Not with the 15 minutes they’re getting.

After the jump, more Tiger links and some Tiger videos.

Maybe we should start with a look at why this is such a big deal. Fortunately, Jason Whitlock’s already done that for us. (Fox Sports)

Celebrity gossip website/pseudo-TV show TMZ has been behind on the Tiger story but they’ve been a thorn in Tiger’s side. However, Tiger’s camp won’t take their tabloid beating lying down. (Sports Pickle)

It’s not just the PGA Tour, his sponsors and his family that Tiger has let down. He’s also let down the poor children who were trying to raise money for a trip to Disney World. (FOX 11)

A lot of fun in this scandal is reading some of the supposedly flirty text messages that Tiger sent. Of course, they also teach you that texting isn’t very good for flirting. (Gawker)

Mind you, that’s not to say that Tiger shouldn’t have texted or sexted his girls. He just should have used some golfing double-entendres. (Huffington Post)

The Chinese had a viral hit with the animated re-enactment of Tiger’s crash. I wonder if the animated enactment of Tiger’s apology will be as big. (National Lampoon)

The news isn’t all bad for Tiger. He was nominated for Deadspin’s Sports Human of the Year award. (Deadspin)

There actually was a good reason for doing a special Tiger Woods linkdump: Everything Tiger related gets scads of hits. (CBC Sports)

But don’t tell that to the PGA Tour. They changed their website design so it’s Tiger-less. (CNBC)

Today’s photo gallery is an excellent juxtaposition of a 1996 Tiger profile in Sports Illustrated with pictures from the current scandal. (Deadspin) Did I use juxtapose right? Might be the first time I’ve ever used the word.

Of course, all these links are sort of small stories as far as sports purists are concerned. Tiger decided that he needs to take time off from golf and will stay off the course indefinitely. (The Big Lead)

UPDATE: Well, it had to happen eventually. One of Tiger’s sponsors has dropped him outright. (ESPN) I find it amazing that consultants who know what road beef is just as well as pro athletes are dropping Tiger over this.

I’ve posted this before but I don’t think we could do this link-off without tossing in this video.

And there’s no better way to close it off than with the original animated video that rocked the interweb.

It’s Saturday again, so that means the Entertainment Link-Off is here. This week features Nicky Whelan. She might be better known for her work in the Aussie soap Neighbours, but she’s currently on Scrubs as the hot Aussie med student Maya. I don’t think her name was mentioned once in the first 3 episodes this season and her entire screen time probably doesn’t exceed 5 minutes. Oh well, she’s there for eye candy purposes.

After the jump, some Avatar news, take a lesson on how to fire someone in Gotham City, a look at movies that should have never seen the light of day and Brian Cox teaches Hamlet to a 2 year old kid.

Avatar star Sam Worthington can be seen in the upcoming Clash of the Titans. Here’s the latest one sheet to get everyone excited. (Latino Review)

Despite some early rave reviews for the movie, Leona Lewis may have single handedly destroyed the film. (Slashfilm)

Avatar and Sherlock Holmes will be duking it out at the box office later this month. Now the question is who will come out on top? (Slashfilm)

Oh while I’m on the topic of Sherlock Holmes, let’s take a look back at the classic Holmes. (LA Times)

While James Cameron’s main goal was to change filmmaking and the movie experience with Avatar, he didn’t quite get there. I’m sure Avatar is quite the visual experience and will be fun movie to watch but it won’t really change the definition of films. Rotten Tomatoes looks at the 10 items that have changed the way we see movies. (Part 1, Part 2)

Let’s take a tour through Cory Monteith’s new crib. (Zap2it)

Musical fans have gotten their wish! Idina Menzel has been added to the cast of Glee for the remainder of the show’s first season. She does share a lot of resemblance to Lea Michele eh? Too bad she’s not going to be playing her long lost mother… or is she? (Fancast)

First look at Tron Legacy. Yes, that’s Olivia Wilde right there. (IESB) Can’t wait til Decemeber 2010!

A nice interview with Zach Gilford on his FNL exit. It’s kinda spoilerish, so if you’re waiting for it to air on NBC, perhaps it’s better that you wait til summer 2010 before reading this. (LA Times)

Kevin Smith’s A Couple of Dicks has a new title! However, he can’t announce it yet. In the meantime, let’s take a look at other films that have titles with double meanings that could have gone horribly wrong. (Black Book)

The folks at Gotham City aren’t normal and may not react nicely to bad news. Instead of walking away, they’ll come back and destroy the entire freakin’ town. Here are a few tips on how to fire someone. (College Humor)

Letterman just might be benefiting from the whole Tiger thing. (Entertainment Weekly)

MacGruber test screen went surprisingly well… (The Vertex) It may be the best SNL film since Wayne’s World! Umm… well that’s not saying much given that every film released after Wayne’s World weren’t all that great.

Something awesome to check out: Owen Wilson interviews Woody Harrelson. (Interview Magazine)

A look at worst movie spinoffs. (IGN)

20 movie sequels no one wanted. (Total Film)

50 Cent wants to use Susan Boyle to boost his album sales. (Telegraph)

Michael Bay might not be a good filmmaker, but he does have a knack for good eye candy. (Huffington Post)

Zombified Star Wars posters! (Collider)

McG wants to make more Terminator films. Please stop him now. (Latino Review)

Don’t know much about Nicky Whelan? Perhaps this quasi-old interview will help. (Herald Sun) For all the guys out there, she’s currently solo after breaking it off with David Spade.

I’ve always been a fan of the stuff that Bill Lawrence creates. I’m still following Scrubs despite the fact that it has exceeded its natural end and part of the cast has been replaced with rather forgettable characters (seriously the newbie Lucy is no J.D.). I also don’t care about the somewhat lackluster reviews of Scrubs season 9 because the show is still better than most comedies out there. Anyway, The TV Addict has a nice interview with Bill talking about Scrubs, Cougar Town and Tiger Woods. (The TV Addict)

We’ve all seen the Muppets perform Bohemian Rhapsody not too long ago. Well these guys are at it again, this time with Ringing of the Bells. I suppose this is appropriate since it is Christmas season after all.

Let’s end this off with a cute funny video. It seems like teaching a 2 year old Hamlet is a lot more fun than teaching that to a bunch of grade 12 kids. Not convinced? Allow Brian Cox to demonstrate.